When the Darkness Finds You (Me)...

...you (I) just have to accept that shit and work to be on the path and let it all out into the world to take away its power.  Born in Darkness, 22"x30" Oil Pastel, House Paint, Spray Paint on Paper... For my solo exhibition this October, 2015 with Joseph Gross Gallery in New York City. Finding The Tunnel Within

Climbing the Life Ladder Again.

Sleeping Beauty , Cosmic Blanket low res I am coming back to the light now, making work like seen above, wrapping shared experience in a cosmic blanket, finding love and compassion again. But...It got dark.  What you may ask?  The sky? The Earth? The water? All of it.  It became dark.  The inside of my spirit.  The inside of my spirit.  A rift in time space, the Yokai came into my chest, a host of demons, of Oni and miscreant beings and tearing cables of pain and dysfunction. The blossoming of ice in that black vortex of memory and fear.  It was too much for me.  I found the road back to the path. Someone I greatly respect told me that sometimes we have to get knocked off the path to realize there is a path that we are on in the first place. I found this place, its confusing corridors of obsessive insanity and debilitating fear.  No excellent pork chop would do.  No fine Pho this time.  The ice elbows of small being ribbed my cage and found me full of crazy.  Out of shear survival instinct I began to do everything I could to find the path again.  This experience which took place in the winter of 2015 will never be forgotten.

The Deep Darkness Come ah Creepin

My words in this short narrative have only scratched the surface. I have learned things about myself and the realities of life and the beauty of existence that I could have never fathomed previously I must say.  This is where my new work was born, this is where it grew and wrenched its way out of me onto paper helping me survive and grow and evolve.  This is where the work that suddenly finds color again now has been born of.  I am not a Giant Robot after all I reckon.  The black hole energy inside of me has turned back to light... or was it always light, just so powerful that it was devoid of anything I understood so as to force me to my foundation to accept that I am simply a being and my re-education is not always of my own creation. The universe guides me, and my story will continue to unfold here for you to see.  Thank you for being here.

Communicating Energies in Darkness

cannibal ox low

 

California Dreamin'

I should actually say California Livin'.  Yes, as many had the foresight into, I am back in California... It was a necessary adventure to go to the East Coast and to really know if I truly want to live in NYC again, to truly end and get closure on 8 years of wondering.  And I now have closure, I love my part time NYC citizenship, I love visiting and bringing some sunshine and love with me there, and working on amazing projects and art adventures and eating pizza and reconnecting with my friends in that amazing metropolis.  But in all honesty, my New York changed a long time ago, it is not the place my heart is anymore as far as where I wan to live full time, as far as where I am needed full time and where I belong on a day to day basis.  I love my life in Oakland far to much and very quickly realized I had taken much of it for granted, so I write this with a deep sense of closure and love knowing that life is full of growth and experiences that allow us to find ourselves.  No matter how hard it seems during the process, growth and finding the true knowledge of self and place in the universe is what life is all about to me.  Now back to the art making, to exploring this amazing state I live in, and spending time building with the world... its good to have roots, the foundation is happy.  6

Up Up and Away... to the Great North

I finally roll up to NYC on Thursday to settle in and get going.  In the meantime I have been doing some internet snooping and surfing and just looking at some images and info about some of the NYC that I remember as a littleeeeeeee child in 1980s.  Man how things have changed.  Here is a cool piece from Art Nerd Dot Com that I found just a second ago... haring

"There are a few places in New York where you can feel like you’ve transported back in time for just a second- when Keith Haring was still ruling New York wall space. The other pieces are more private- the Carmine Pool, LGBT bathroom, Pop Shop ceiling…but the awesome Crack is Wack mural confronts you just as you’re reentering the city after an Upstate excursion on Upper Manhattan.

Restored by the late artist’s estate in 2007, Keith Haring painted this orange and black mural on the opposite side of a handball court wall in 1986 as a reaction to the raging crack-cocaine epidemic in New York. Although we love to glamorize the “creativity and downtown scene” of the 80s, Haring’s piece reminds us that the city was kind of a war zone, with crime and drugs running rampant around the bombed out looking Lower East Side.

This “Crack is Wack” mural was one of the best surviving murals that Haring produced illegally, which is ironic considering the city’s Department of Parks and Recreation was behind the restoration and protection. Its placement on a handball court let’s us feel for minute what it was like to live in New York 25 years ago."

Who: Keith Haring

What: Crack is Wack public mural

Where: 128th Street and 2nd Avenue

 

 

Love is Love, Love is Love Love

franks deli I have been meaning to sit down and write a new post.  Studio is a go in NYC, found a beautiful and great sized work space in Bushwick on Cypress between Troutman and Jefferson.  It is really funny because it is down the street from where some really good buddies of mine moved back in 2004 and my oh my has the hood dun changed.  Really wild, but that is evolution and if there is one single constant about New York City it is that is changes very quickly all the time.  Apartment is also checked off the list for a few months which is wonderful.

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All and all things are shaping up well despite the normal anxiety and depression and constant process of letting go, acceptance and willingness that goes with any big changes and moves in life.  It really is a beautiful thing to be coming to terms with a lot of things about myself as an artist and person, about my relationship with my home city of Durham, NC, about my relationship with New York and about my relationship with California at this point.  Really feeling a lot of gratitude for how awesome my life gets to be right now, for all that has happened to get me here and all the things that I love that help me get through it all.  Big ups to the G O D on this one for sure... more updates to come soon!

Cash 4 books

 

 

Another Year Has Come to a Close!!! Thank You 2014!

11 What a Year what a year what a year!  This was probably my most focused year to date!  When I established the production calendar for 2014 I was a bit nervous to be honest, anxious in a healthy way though.  I found myself saying "Holy shit can I really do this?  Can I really handle this entire chain of events and stay sane with a job and my AA program and all in between?"  But it was a healthy thought, a positive forward looking sort of nervousness, an affirmation that I was meant to take this challenge and push forward!  And sure enough, it all happened, and more that came down the pipe out of the blue, and honestly I have to say I fucking rocked it (Hahaha)!  I definitely hit my limit, and it is good to know ones limits for sure.  Needless to say, I will be in NYC in 2015, and Coby Kennedy and I are coming for you (hahaha)! Blade Runner Steez!

4 Windside Out

As I grow and change and move and progress and love and live, coming to understand ones self and ones strengths, ones weaknesses, ones limitations and once fierce powerful drive, to find those things that keep us going, to find those things we need to let go of, to find those relationships that hurt and those that help and nurture us is really at this point in my development what life is all about.  It is this process of seeking that is LIFE to me.  It is not how many shows I can do, it is not how many instagram followers one has, it is not how many things one can pile on and accomplish, it is not praise, it is not critique, it is not money, it is not recognition, it is not affirmations of love and working through loss; it is all of those things, it is every piece of the cosmic puzzle, it is the SEEKING that all of those elements are a part of, that creates the road map and the experiences and signs and guides and milestones and failures and successes and insights that one can truly manifest and become knowing of their own energy so as to continue seeking as a part of all things.  We are all a part of all things in the universe, we are all connected constantly whether we realize it our not. It is how when I seek, when I concentrate inward my spiritual center can be found amidst and working through all of these things.  It is simply to be aware, to be positive, to be seeking, and simply BE.

Charting Future Past

I have to say, the spiritual practice that I have come to find as the cornerstone of my life has really expanded and been investigated, and really is what saw me through this year and made me come to find what true happiness is.  I can honestly say, this year I found what happiness truly is to me at this point.  I had an awesome partner in this journey, my friend Jen, that I was fortunate enough to have come along for what we ended up calling TTT or Transcendental Taco Tuesday, where we explored some new heights and complexities and simplicities in exploring the world within our selves that is a gateway to the universe and all of its different dimensions and planes of existence.  Needless to say, I say some visions, saw intricacies and portals, guides and animal friends, pure energy and the elements of creation and destruction and all that is everything and nothing.  We also ate some incredible tacos and talked about life and the universe and contemplated our places in it all to an extent I have never really experienced with another person.

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I experienced pure love like I have never felt before as I grew and learned and felt and loved with Julie Moon (the illest Piano player ever btw) and saw another person in recovery climb up out of the ego and the fear that is addiction and alcoholism, through trauma and pain, to find herself and help me find myself, and in the process find ourselves together.  We experienced new heights in understanding, compassion, exploration of ourselves and each other. We found what acceptance, patience, intimacy, chemistry, attraction, arousal, sexual exploration and openness, respect, willingness, compassion and an utter devotion to one another's creative evolution and freedom, to understanding that we have to be happy with ourselves in order to love one another, to what respecting and truly loving another human being for who they are on all levels truly means. She is in Korea right now living out her own dream of seeking, and playing music, and re-investigating her homeland and confronting so many things that she needs closure and clarity and growth from.  She is a force of nature and continues to be a magnetic energy everywhere she goes.

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I drove across the country with an amazingly talented young tattooer and artist name Carolyn.  We shared an intimate two weeks that people do not often get to experience.  Intimate in the fact that neither of us had ever driven cross country and we established some incredible memories and a real friendship in the process.  We got to see  some family in Austin Texas as we hung with Terry Addison, saw Bob MaCready in Houston, Nathaniel and his amazing restaurant Boucherie in NOLA, hung with my mom and ate BBQ in NC and more. We ate our way across the nation and brought an incredible happening to New York City, building with Superchief and making life long bonds!  And a huge thanks to John and Lizz for their hospitality and friendship!  We will never forget that damn trip, or South of the Border!  I further got to know Joel and Rhea St. Julien and there amazing daughter Olive as Joel and I made soundscapes and connected our creative minds on multiple projects.  I appreciate that I have such an amazing family everywhere I go now!

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Eric Araujo, one of my best buds that I met in SF, connected me with the amazing people at BRIC arts in Brooklyn for the opportunity of a life time to work with some incredible people during the winter vortex!  Julie Kim and the Littlefield crew flew me out yet again to paint on of the best large scale paintings I have ever done. There were the great people at the Shooting Gallery that helped me realize the biggest show I have ever done with "Pilgrimage". "Champagne Tigers" at LeQuivive, hanging out at Old Crow with Sean and Evan and Victor, talking about the world with Dre and Bleu Cheese with Chris Burch.  I went on a couple trips to LA where I got hang out with Stephanie Inagaki, meet Andrew Kline from CMHHTD and Strife, and finally explore the city with an open mind and heart which made me finally love that place! Spent some killer times with Salem OFA! I reconnected with Joseph Gross, and was so incredibly happy to see him thriving and doing great things with his gallery.  We have continued to build and I am super happy to announce that I have a solo show with Joseph Gross Gallery in October of 2015!  Joey is a intensely positive force in this world and will continue to do amazing things!

August Storm's

I experienced the most amazing send off I could have ever had with Rachel Ralph and John Trippe at Fecal Face as I closed out 8 years of living in the Bay Area with my solo show at FFDG, "No Destination".  Lale Shafaghi helped spread the word and vision of my artwork to the big world we are a part of as we built a friendship.  As things wrapped up, I came to an end of over 4 years of working with the best people on earth at Clean Water Action, a place that showed me that people do care about others and have a desire to work hard for a cause that aims to help others and the world as a whole.  We had a lot of fun, and that job helped me grow up into sobriety and work hard with a sense of purpose.  It also goes without saying that every moment I spent with my AA peoples in Oakland and SF and my rad Sponsor Bucky were great and vital to my development as a human being.  Timmy the Optimist kept popping up with  a lot energy and a great vision of things to come.  Manley Tantuico and his amazing family facilitated the biggest commission I have ever done.  They showed me a lot of compassion, friendship, and treated me like family every step of the way (and we have some designs for some things to come in the next couple years!).  Birthdays, break ups, hook ups, sign up sheets, late night calls, early morning flights, babies being born, people getting married, Fed EX, memories worked through, new pain, new pleasure, new love, old habits broken, new habits made, great food eaten, its all life, and it's all important and amazing!

FInal COmission image1

I sit here in Durham, NC, in the house I grew up in writing this, seeking, living, and loving the fact that I have been given this time in this world on this planet with all of you to keep moving forward and to be grateful for all of it.  The good the bad the ugly and amazing... Everything is everything.  My friend Jen and I will be living in the same place again soon and will continue our TTT vision quest. May Julie Moon continue to make the world feel deeply with her music and build amazing new heights as a person and my partner.  May Chris Burch keep climbing the way he is meant to, opening the eyes of all that come into contact with him.  May Alfonso Cosio Monique Delauney keep tying the Bay Area art world together and supporting the arts passionately and with all the energy they put out there in the world. May Dana James keep moving up to the sky tattooing amazing work and being the prophetic voice and compassionate person he is.  May Rachel Ralph keep bringing intricate and beautiful conversations that involve all of us with FFDG.  And may I continue moving to NYC, one of the places that raised me up to the man I am today, and where I shall call home again and continue seeking.  To all those I didn't mention, you know that you are as important as anyone else in this world!  May everyone have a full 2015 and continue to grow and evolve and change!!!  We All Do This Together! Thanks to everyone for making the Unstoppable Tomorrow one that I am incredibly happy to be a part of. -JFA III 12/31/2014

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Fall Cleaning...

I have been cleaning the hell out of my apartment and studio getting ready for my big move coming up on December 2nd back to the home front.  Excited is the very least of it, really looking forward to this new phase in my life.  Can't wait to see my family and make art as a sober adult in the places that really shaped me early on, well until I was 26, and even then through memories and constant revisiting and having a life still in those places, until today.  Finding some awesome images on the internet from the past few years. Enjoy. IMG_0875-2218189038-O-1024x772 img_1704 img_4618 Astroknot neu DSC_0401 MG_8502-copy glory

Damn, a Whole Month Went By!

Yeah it did.  To say I have been busy is an understatement.  The FFDG show has been great.  Really solid response and turn out at the opening, and its done quite well!  Building, building, building... We all be screamin and shit

 

Since its opening I have also jusssttt about finished the big commission I have been working for Manley Tantuico, which is now out of my studio and residing in his living room in Millbrae.  Taking the idea of a family portrait to a new level...

FInal COmission image1Now its time to start cleaning out my studio and my apartment and heading back to the Big Apple for the next stage of this life I have been given.  But first, this Saturday at FFDG at 2277 Mission St. in SF, we are having a closing for my solo show "No Destination" featuring an artist talk by Joel St. Julien and myself and a live PA by Joel (my sound collaborator) from 6 to 8pm.  Should be an awesome time and a great way to begin my exit from life in the Bay.  Much Love!!!!  Do what you feel and remember to #makeworkson!

 

 

This coming Friday, October 3rd, "No Destination" @ FFDG, SF

It is officially coming down to the wire.  The work is finished, the stage is set, the sound is almost ready, and I install on Tuesday at FFDG in the Mission!  I cannot even believe that I am about to wrap up 8 years of living in the Bay Area with a solo exhibition at the gallery I have dreamt of working with since I arrived here.  Life works out in funny ways when we continually put our best foot forward, work as hard as we humanly possibly can, and appreciate all that is around us, or at least try to as much as possible.  D Young V had a show called Make an Effort once, and I have to agree, make a fucking effort!  When we do life opens up and gives us more, well, life to live.  Deeper, more intense, more thorough experiences, both good and bad, but none the less, life.  I am into it, I am here to live it, from West to East.  Anyway, I'll close this babble up.  I looked through a bunch of old Blog posts that reminded me of how much energy and passion has gone into the last four years and all I can really say is, Fuck Yes, it is only just getting better! Come to my show this Friday, or will you miss some awesome shit! Screenshot 2014-09-28 14.51.09

 

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Raphael, Portrait of Maddalena Strozzi Doni, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Lucid Halucinatory Meditative Experiences, Time Travel of the Mind

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Time Travel in the Mind) Thank you Raphael

A lot of things are coming up all at once right now, well maybe not all at once, but spread out over about eight weeks.  This piece above happened like this.  I say that to start because "Sacred Geometry" in all of its glory has unfortunately become a fad, a "cool" thing, and Doze is probably already rolling over in his grave to be, so I want to be clear that this wasn't inspired because I picked up a book about sacred geometric designs or saw it in a tattoo or something, this is an organic tale.  I honestly do not know anything about Sacred Geometry yet, at least the sacred geometry in books and researched, except that all things in nature have geometric forms that exist in them like architecture and that ties into universal law and physics and stuff. But my friend Chris Burch tonight told me that that is what I had drawn.  It makes sense now and here is why.  I have had a lot of journeys and visions or lucid hallucinations in my meditative experiences in the last few years.  The geometric portal above is the one way I was able to describe the movement and threshold and path I explored in one of these experiences in Japan last year.

So the other night I was sitting around drawing, and I drew it, it happened completely organically, it came from my subconscious, and it is something I actually experienced on multiple planes of being while deep in a transcendental state in an ancient temple in Japan.  I got the drawing or architecture of this portal down on paper without thinking about it really, it happened through my hand and muscle memory from a different dimension recreating this path for my eyes in this physical reality to look at and consider and remember in a nostalgic yet foreshadowing way.  I call this the God channel, the God Degree, the Conduit, the Universal Flow.  Then last night I was looking through a book of Raphael paintings and drawings and stumbled upon this beautiful plate of Maddalena Strozzi Doni.  Without really analyzing it, I just picked up a pencil, went and got the small drawing and just started drawing the Raphael image.  It was a beautiful moment.  Something in the portrait, in the face and the structure and feeling brought me into this portal and it really was this sudden epiphany that the two needed to speak, needed to be woven together and embrace one another, they are the same and so important to one another in so many ways.  They were meant to be.  I felt as I drew like I was remembering who I am from a foundational level and journeying into new realms as the person I am now in the the present, bringing these facets of self together and also letting them exist in different times, all the while honing technique and my vehicle for creative travel, feeling fully, letting my immersion into emotion and serenity be guided by the tones and movements and motions of my pencil, and also going back in history to the Renaissance bridging the spirit of creation from them until now.  I found myself traveling through time, in multiple planes at once, calling on guides and memories that aid me in something much bigger than me.  So I hope this explains to you why this is so important to me.  I experienced all of this organically, it is all rooted in my life experience spanning 34 years on this planet here in this physical reality thus far, though I know my essence has been in existence on a scale I can't yet comprehend, and will go on in a way I know not yet after this body is finished.  It is a union and celebration of the affirmation that we all are part these portals and universal movements, Raphael saw them and traveled through them too, maybe he found me deep in his plane of thought and feeling and experience once while I he was creating his portrait of Maddalena.  Maybe we found one another through the time travel of the mind, showing us that time is a gift, and is nothing and everything at the same moment. Stay present folks, and enjoy your nostalgia.  This shit is important to me.  Come see this and so much more on October 3rd at FFDG in the Mission, before I move back to NYC!  Experience everything you can, make Ansel Adams proud!

And away we go...

The Harbinger So it is official, and true, and in stone, and on the timeline and etched into the universe, I am moving back to NYC.  It has been something that has been in different stages of reality ever since I moved to California eight years ago.  I moved from NYC back to NC then to Oakland in 2006, and now I will be completing this circle by literally doing the same thing in reverse this year of 2014 into 2015.  Life is full of cycles and growth, eight years of growing and understanding and learning about myself has finally brought me to realize its time to reinvestigate where I am from with new eyes, intentions, and love.  I have one more solo show before I leave, at FFDG in San Francisco's Mission district on October 3rd. Then two more months left in Killa Cali and I am headed back east just in time for the horrible weather of winter, which I honestly so dearly miss.  I hope everyone can make it out to "No Destination" at FFDG on October 3rd.  And also I am incredibly happy to announce I have a show booked with Joseph Gross and ArtNowNY for October of 2015, the gallery in Chelsea I cofounded and help launch with a killer roster of East and West Coast talent back in 2012!  I am excited and nervous and totally invigorated by life right now.  It's time for some changes and a new chapter in the mythology of this young artist.  See you guys in Chinatown eating Excellent Pork Chop House in a few! -JFA III 09/07/2014

Grace Saved Us

Castle in the Sky

Breaking Out of the Cycle of Brick Wall

Points in Time 1 (Many Years Many Places Many Winds) So we all get stuck in what feels like a cycle of never ending repetition with minimal growth from time to time.  I think that as an artist this sort of cycle and the moments when the mundane are actually a positive and  a reflective moment to learn, I sometimes become fearful of change not happening fast enough, or change not being AMAZING again.  I think it comes back to issues I have dealt with throughout my life that stem from childhood scars that I have worked through, but still do exist.  I mean sometimes if things were wrought with constant flux, and trauma, and change, and movement for us as children, we grow to fear or not understand a life that is simply, all good.  All good.  Content.  Just right.  Most people would love to hear these phrases whispered about their lives.  I have my moments, all good is one I do like, but honestly as an artist and someone that is constantly feeling the universes's energy ebbing and flowing and who feels compelled to strive forward constantly with new shit, these ideas can be sort of debilitating. Anyway, what the hell is he ranting about you are asking?  This is what I am ranting about...

Breakfast Snow

...movement.  Basically a few months ago when I finished the Shooting Gallery show, and I had a moment to breathe, I became gripped with this fear, this anxiety of the climax of that feeling of the crest of the wave not building back up again.  It's crazy to feel this way because history, even my own short life history is a constant cycle of this happening.  But nonetheless I did become gripped with this fear of "is that it"?  "Did I say it all, did I say it well enough?"  "Is this just going to be the repetitive cycle of things, and eventually will it be so 'normal' that everything will just be content?"  I met with my sponsor and dove very heavily and healthily back into my 12 step work and into some serious meditation and self work.  Suddenly there I was again, breathing, totally in sync with every moment, in complete acceptance of reality, of the here and now, feeling purpose, relief, wholeness, and complete in the understanding that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  Suddenly the true vision for my next endeavor started to come to light (as it had been marinating for quite sometime below the surface, growing like that wave I was speaking of) and I remembered something priceless, something so true to existence at its core.  The guides, the signs, and the ability to reinvent ourselves and our voices are always there.  Building on a solid foundation but evolving is what life and art is all about.  Acceptance of the fact that change and how we make even the most repetitious spans of time evolve and become fulfilling or lead to a new path, is a truth and a miraculous event that is constant.  I accepted that no one thing will ever inform or complete everything, as I have multiple times in the past, and a beautiful sense of calm and comfort washed over me, and suddenly I found myself drawing again.  It wasn't immediate. It took a couple months from "Pilgrimage" but it began to happen.  I remembered that to trust in relationships with the guides and forces, with myself and my place in the universe and "the path" is where the anxiety leaves and the action begins.

Points in Time 4 (Swosh)

 

So therein, having been in the job, eat, sleep, watch, over analyze, job eat, sleep, watch, over analyze, and then falling into some old bad habits (that fortunately pale in comparison to drinking or drug use, thank you sobriety) all of a sudden, it hit me.  The vision to reach into my unconscious and conscious states of being and nostalgia in the past couple years and chart the miraculous journey I have been on in a non literal way (for the most part) and the amazing connection I have made with these forces and energies and informations that are so beyond this world, yet with us here all the time, suddenly became my goal.  A body of work that would have to embrace repetition of self care and seeking, embrace a work schedule again, but would allow me to explore some seriously new ideas ways of doing things and even colors and process. Once again my fear of contentment, of my idea of the mundane, brought me back to the reality that life has been and will never have to be as such for me, for anyone that truly seeks and wishes to be on a path of evolution.  So word, I get to invite the audience to experience it with me through signifiers, colors, sounds, onomatopoeia, textures, tones, and a lot more.

Okunoin 5

I kicked it with Skinner the other day, and we definitely talked about this exact, sort of hard to define set of experiences, feelings, moments, mental states, and more.  It was a fucking awesome chill session and we really talked about some heavy philosophical, as well as looking at rad figures and talking about Jack Kirby and stuff.  I have to say, to all the people who totally relate to what I am saying here, this is our task.  We are here to work and thrive through all of this intensity and create and seek and put forth the universe for everyone to see further.  If you don't quite relate to it I am very happy for you because you may know a type of peace that I never will, a certain ability to be content and enjoy it in a way that really does not bring anxiety and make it feel like a magnetic hurricane of the universe is swirling inside of you sometimes.  But to everyone out there reading this, I thank you for doing so, I thank you for engaging in this conversation with me and I am very very happy to bring you a new, truly personal, truly explorative, honest, and different, I guess evolved body of work and experience.  My experiences with the collective unconscious, dream and meditative states through the lens of Unstoppable Tomorrow is coming this October to Fecal Face!  No Destination , for me it has become a way of life.  Every moment is important, and there is always more and a new step forward.  Let's Party People!  Whose bringing the whole pig to roast?  I love it all.  Also there will be Prints, and Zines, and Ice Cream, and Yummy stuff, and maybe I will put liquid acid in your beverage, just maybe...

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