Sometimes the last few years seem like a blur. A beautiful blur, but nonetheless a sort of blending of moments that I have to actively dissect in order to see the details. Call it growing older, call it life in an age of oversaturated information and choices, call it what you will, for me as time moves on as of late so much seems to happen and I have so few moments to simply take it all in. The work I am currently doing is an attempt to capture ideas, moments, and feelings in this morphing road map of experience through different narrative visual tools. Different types of shapes seemingly in motion freeze frames, portraits of nostalgic icons and metaphor ridden images, purely abstract painting that tackles issues I feel and see that are so immense and complex to me that I can only discuss them internally through a process of boundless movement and expressive freedom.
Armor Studies, 11/5”x9”, Ball Point Pen on Paper, 2020
A lot of the work has been smaller pieces on paper or found objects that notate personal realizations about society, my own journey of slow awakening and growth, continuing to be in acceptance of life on life’s terms as I become more set in my ways so to speak, power systems and their effects on the people they seem to contain, honoring roots and forces of creative metaphysical energy in a world that becomes increasingly contained on a screen, the deconstruction of my own privilege digging deeper into accepting truths of where I am from and honoring people who were blighted, letting go of the armor of ego and the shadows of survival mechanisms wrought and taught in ignorance and misguided notions of success and fear. It is all there. It is all so hard to explain, yet we all feel it all the time even if we are not aware of it. It is that awareness I hope to transmit through my work, my own growing awareness and possibly ways of presenting my own journey that opens someone else eyes in new ways. I just want to keep learning, exploring, creating, and being honest with myself and the world I am a part of.
Time Study (Shadowplay), 20”x16”, Mixed Media on Found Paper, 2020.
Tides, Mixed Media Assemblage, 2019
Untitled (Armor Studies) 30”x22”, Mixed Media on Paper, 2020
2019 brought a sense of fluidity into perspective that was very much needed. Rather than a year partitioned by single huge or climactic events, it was more of a constant trudge through experiences, work, and responsibilities that continued to challenge and elevate. I can’t much talk about politics of our age anymore (as they are incredibly frustrating and negative, but that is not to say that I retreat from trying to be a force of good in the world) but to say that, as I have read more of history this last year, the feudal systems of empires created by the Romans and later the Monotheistic rooted empires that have dominated history since Rome adopted Christianity have not ceased to enact pretty much the same sort of subjugation through ideals, fears, and patriarchal power for over 2000 years. It all seems like a blur now because in honesty, while we seem to think that so much has changed, often it is just the actors and the terms that have changed, the inherent way in which human greed for power supports the structures that have been in place for thousands of years does not change (or it does but then repeats itself, time is a flat circle lol), and continues to become even more engrained. So I choose to act where I can, observe, and simply record my own experience through my art whether it be in realization of these tethers of history, of the beauty that exists within the world at all times despite humanity’s inherent conflict with itself, or even that that conflict breeds so much that is amazing and moves in so many different directions. Awe is not always a question of morality.
Homeless Camp, Photograph, West Oakland, 2019
One thing that last year brought into focus for me is a renewed passion for challenging myself and my practice to find my voice in ways that really considered intention in my output. Having to be back and forth on a constant basis from the East Coast to the West Coast to show up for my mother’s Alzheimers gave me a certain amount of time and forced me to process intense moments of emotional upheaval and internal processing, which lead me to find comfort in certain aspects of my childhood and formative years. This revisiting opened my eyes to certain realities of those times which I have come to understand in my work in sobriety and therapy, spiritual and psychological work, taking me to a place of being able to understand why certain things gave me and give me a sense of comfort and stasis. This has allowed me to let go of preconceived notions of their importance in society and history and really dig into history to understand the realities of where these icons and concepts come from, many of which are born in darkness, born in a very conflicted and often ethically questionable circumstance. Understanding the duality of being human has given me the opportunity to consider my own attachments to relics of misguided ideas that so many in society hold onto, and continue to heal from a deeper place of connection within. A lot of this seemingly abstract conversation will become more tightened up and understandable in my upcoming show in Raleigh NC with Anchorlight Gallery. My continuing Armor Studies series has been a big gateway for this dive into history, intention, connection, and realization, and I will be showing a large portion of this work at that exhibition in June of this year.
The Great Disruption, 4’x5’, Mixed Media on Wood Panel, 2020
The Story of Now, wip, 2020
Knight in Blemished Armor (Public Servant?) 4’x5’, Graphite on Found Drywall, 2020
Now that you have made your way through the flow of words and thoughts that describe my reality of late, I appreciate you stopping by. I am in the midst of work for my summer show, a residency coming up at Duke in which I will be creating a site specific environmental piece of art, and then another residency in the summer in Oakland. Busy times busy times, Full of new struggles, new accomplishments, lonely moments as well as times of beautiful community and team work. I am going to give 2020 the best go I have in me, and also try to not burn the candle at both ends in the process. One thing that adulthood, or rather becoming more aware of my responsibility to myself and others to stay healthy, connected, and sane, has given me is the gift of saying “thats enough for now, I need to reflect and be gentle so that I can be right sized in where this is all going”. That in and of itself gives me the power to burn that midnight oil with intention and strength and acceptance when it’s necessary, because sometimes that is needed in life and not just art making.
Thank you for reading and for all of your support. In closing, the below photo is of something new that is coming that I cannot wait to announce to everyone!!!. It will also be part of this summer show at Anchorlight, and is in the works of becoming an ongoing series. See you again soon.
Soon to be disclosed dance powerhouse on a hand made reclaimed wood assemblage panel. 2020
